As I Bid Goodbye

By Chatkick 06202015

Before I say goodbye to you, I will have to say, thank you.

Thank you for everything; for teaching me how to forgive and forget. Thank you for making me laugh when I am having my episodes of mood swings. Especially when I overthink and create problems out of nothing and wherein you always tend to calm my nerves.

Thank you for pushing me to my limits, for pushing me to do better and become a better person that I could be. For checking out on me when I need to study, study and study some more. You always reminded me to get some sleep and rest. I know I am stubborn most of the time, and maybe it annoys you at times. Thank you for helping me, when you try to explain things by simplifying it for me to understand it better.

Thank you for reminding me why I need to strive. When I feel like quitting, you always tried to cheer me up and asks me why I am doing this and for whom. And just like that, I will get up and fight again.

Thank you for breaking the walls I built around my heart. For showing me that there are still many things to learn and discover about myself. Thank you for waking me up from my hiatus and by making me feel the world how a human should be, again.

Thank you for coming into my life unexpectedly. That in my general rules, you managed to be the exception.

Thank you for making me realize that love and jealousy comes hand in hand and that 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is really true. And yes, there are still many things to be thankful for.

But as they say, there are times when good things come to an end. Sometimes, you really have to struggle and be hurt in preparation for a better future. Some people say, that God tends to rob you off of something out of your life, to prepare you for something greater than what you want to settle for.

As of now, I am in a phase to refocus. I have to forget the good times as well as the bad that came along our way. Maybe it will take me longer to finally forget you. But I will try my very best. With the help of my friends and family, I know I will get by. I just hope I will not try building walls again.

I still have many questions running inside my mind. Questions with regards to your contradicting words and actions. Questions on why you came into my life. Questions that I try to tame and control. Questions as to why I cannot feel any indifference towards the "wrong" things that you did. Questions as to why I can easily forgive you and why your voice seemed to bring with it colors and light. Ahhhhhhh...Questions, questions, it pains me and it sucks my energy.

I wish you happiness, just like how I wish it for my own. I wish you good health and sound mind. I wish you are indeed happy with her.

I am sorry if I have to do this. But this is the only way that I can think of at the moment for me to keep my sanity. I needed to do this, to protect myself from getting hurt again and again. Even if, this "goodbye" hurts more. I have to do this for me to really focus on my own life, future and goals without you in the equation. Just like how I managed to do prior to knowing you.

I do not know if our paths will ever cross. And I do not know what will happen if ever. I just hope, that if ever we do, we can manage to smile at each other. This craziness that we have between us? It is way out of the ordinary.

But I know too, that until that day when we will finally meet each other, I will not know whether what I felt in the past months from you and for you is genuine and real.

So, as I bid goodbye tonight, I will use the phrase "Au Revoir" rather than "Adieu".